Disclaimer:
This blog post may make us uncomfortable. It contains bitter truth, obscene words and incidents - which however are available all over our highly cultured society.

Child Sexual Abuse? The silenced truth!! Now what about the topic? Not good? Burning topic? Burning where? Do we know what's that all about? Do we care? Do we know what kind of society we live in and boast off? What are we supposed to do?

What the hell is this?

Yes. It is a Hell….. for the victims, for their families, for you, for me, for our society and for our future generation.

Everyday in the morning, I open the newspaper; I see a minimum of two to three incidents of such happenings here and there. Makes me think! And I am sure it makes you think too. What kind of cultured society are we living in? Are we really cultured? India is a country of rich culture and heritage is what I learnt in school. Is this our culture? I am thinking about this…. just as some or all of us do….

Case 1

A 3-year old comes up to her mother who is dressing up to go out for dinner that evening ith her husband and says,"Mommy, show me your titties"
"What"
"Show me your titties"
"Chee-chee, who taught you such dirty things?"
"S'not dirty, dadaji says it."
"Dadaji says it? To whom?"
"To me."
"And then what do you do?"

The little girl quickly pulls up her T-shirt with both her hands and dances around her mother's bedroom. "My titties,my titties,my titties, yea, yea, yea..!"

The mother calls her 5-year old son. "Does Dadaji tell your sister to do this?"
"Yes, mommy."
"What else does he do?"
"He does funny things to her panties, then he washes her panties."
"Does he do anything to you?"
"No mommy."
"Are you sure?"

The daughter chips in, for her it's a game. "He's lying mommy, he's lying. Dadaji tells him to show him his popat (parrot), then he holds it."

This is a tableau, which recently unfolded for a young mother like a thunderbolt from the blue right into her happily married life. Especially grim was the magnitude of the abuse, that it had gone on for so long and neither she nor her husband had an inkling of what was done to their children by their grandfather.

Case 2

A 12-year old Chennai boy is initiated into sexual activity by a 20-year old married woman, his neighbour. Their 'affair' lasts for two years, even through the first few months of her pregnancy. The woman has no idea whose child it is, the boy-child's or her husband's, but there is no assumption other than the obvious in their neighbourhood. The woman gives birth to a girl and does not resume the affair. The boy tries, she puts him off, first citing her post pregnancy status and her daughter as reasons.

The boy is now sixteen, the little girl two.

The boy rapes the little girl in revenge.

Is it not a bitter chocolate to chew? Better chew it now, else you will be chewing more bitter chocolates in your life..

Case 3

A 9-year-old girl was alleged raped by an Italian, aged 56 years, a frequent traveler to Goa. This was reported in Navhind Times. After that it is now believed that he has been abusing many children for over 10 years. A popular host to many parties, he used a previously abused girl to procure a child as a domestic servant in his house. It is alleged that he raped her for three days continuously after tying her hands and legs, and that he performed forced anal sex on the little one.

Child Abuse ! Definition?

There is no universal definition of child sexual abuse. However, a central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of an adult that allows him or her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity. Child sexual abuse may include fondling a child's genitals, masturbation, oral-genital contact, digital penetration, and vaginal and anal intercourse. Child sexual abuse is not solely restricted to physical contact; such abuse could include non-contact abuse, such as exposure, voyeurism, and child pornography. Abuse by peers also occurs.

The Shocking Statistics!

• 53.22% children reported having faced one or more forms of sexual abuse.
• Andhra Pradesh, Assam, Bihar and Delhi reported the highest percentage of sexual abuse among both boys and girls.
• 21.90% child respondents reported facing severe forms of sexual abuse and 50.76% other forms of sexual abuse.
• Out of the child respondents, 5.69% reported being sexually assaulted.
• Children in Assam, Andhra Pradesh, Bihar and Delhi reported the highest incidence of sexual assault.
• Children on street, children at work and children in institutional care reported the highest incidence of sexual assault.
• 50% abuses are persons known to the child or in a position of trust and responsibility.
• Most children did not report the matter to anyone.

Child sexual abuse can occur in three ways viz., incestuous abuse (i.e. by family members of victims), sexual abuse by strangers, and child prostitution, but majority of sexual offenders are family members or are otherwise known to the child. Sexual abuse by strangers is not generally common. Research further shows that men perpetrate most instances of sexual abuse, but there are cases in which women are the offenders. Despite a common myth, homosexual men are not more likely to sexually abuse children than heterosexual men are.

In conservative societies, as ours is, incest is less likely to be reported to the police, because of fear of social disgrace. Families often choose to 'resolve' the issue privately because they view it as not a criminal matter. From the victim's point of view, however, incest may be more traumatic than rape by strangers, because such behavior may be continued over a period of time and the victim remains helpless to protect herself from such abuses.

Effects of Child Sexual Abuse?

Children and adolescents who have been sexually abused can suffer a range of psychological and behavioral problems, from mild to severe, in both the short and long term. These problems typically include depression, anxiety, guilt, fear, sexual dysfunction, withdrawal, and acting out.

Depending on the severity of the incident, victims of sexual abuse may also develop fear and anxiety regarding the opposite sex or sexual issues and may display inappropriate sexual behavior. However, the strongest indication that a child has been sexually abused is inappropriate sexual knowledge, sexual interest, and sexual acting out by that child.

The victim develops an inner sense of guilt and depression, which may have long-lasting effects on her personality development. Suicidal tendencies and drug abuse are common long-term effects

Recover and Resurrect

Children and adults who were sexually abused as children have indicated that family support, friends, high self-esteem, and spirituality were helpful in their recovery from the abuse. It is important for victims of abuse to relinquish any guilt they may feel about the abuse. Victims also report that attending workshops and conferences on child sexual abuse, reading about child sexual abuse, and undergoing psychotherapy have helped them feel better and return to a more normal life. Counseling and other support services are also important for the caregivers of abused children. Research has also shown that often the passage of time is a key element in recovery.

Protecting Our Children

• "Don't Talk to Strangers" thingy doesn't apply in this case since most sexual perpetrators are known people.
• Teach the children the difference between 'good touch' and 'bad touch'.

• Don’t scare your children about sexual abuse
• Behave with your spouse properly in front of the child. Be a role model.

• Teach your children basic sexual education. Teach them that no one should touch the "private" parts of their body. Teach them the names of each part of the body. Please avoid assigning names and numbers like "parrot" and "mirchi" to their genitalia. A health professional can also help to communicate sex education to children if parents are uncomfortable doing so.

• Develop good communication with your children. Encourage them to ask questions and talk about their experiences. Be a good listener

• Teach your children to be assertive, bold and confident.

• Make an effort to know children's friends and their families.

• Instruct your child to never get go anywhere with anyone without your permission.

The gravity of the situation demands that the issue of child abuse be placed on the national agenda. The Ministry on its part has taken measures such as the enabling legislation to establish the National and State Commissions for Protection of Rights of the Child, the Integrated Child Protection Scheme, the draft Offences against Children Bill etc. These are a few important steps to ensure protection of children of the country. But clearly, this will not be enough, the government, civil society and communities need to complement each other and work towards creating a protective environment for children. The momentum gained needs to enhance further discussion on the issue amongst all stakeholders and be translated into a movement to ensure protection of children of this country.